The stats:
Weight: 11 lbs 1 oz
Height: 21 1/4 inches
And here are some more chair pictures (of course Emma couldn't resist--princess nightgown and all).
This first month has probably been some of the hardest weeks of my entire life. I'm confident I would rather take the Bar Exam again--probably redo my entire first year of law school again--before reliving parts of these weeks. Of course, so many moments have been filled with such UNBELIEVABLE love, laughter and thanksgiving. We have certainly felt overwhelmingly blessed. I am in awe of how much more complete our family feels. But it has been such a moment to moment, roller coaster of highs and lows that my sinful, controlling, body is desperate for some much needed consistency to emerge --and quickly.
Since posting last week that Emma was doing "well," we've have some major behavioral shifts.
Naps were replaced with "redecorating sessions" resembling:
The two year old who once stayed quietly (relatively) in her bed, has begun refusing to go to sleep and wandering the house at odd hours during the night. In fact, a few nights ago, our entire house was up at 4:30 a.m. Three of the four of us crying.
My 4 week old is off and on sleeping in a swing--which I SWORE I would NEVER do.
I appeared so desperate to my pediatrician this week, that she actually told me to quit breastfeeding. Seriously?
And just this afternoon, 10 minutes before nap time, Emma peed in the floor in Robert's room--without any warning.
Not to mention that our dog died suddenly last Thursday. Seriously. (My apologies to anyone who didn't know...I hope to post more remembering Maddie soon).
So, on my knees I've been. Repenting of SO MUCH. My need for control, my desire for peace (aka need for control), my selfish desire for some "quiet me" time (aka control), my laziness when it is harder to be consistent, my doubt that the Lord really cares (and/or will) respond favorably to my pleas, and on and on. (Just honesty folks--if you don't have doubts sometimes, I'm wondering about you...) What's amazing though? The Lord CONTINUES to renew, restore, and revive all four of us. In fact, despite the odds, the only reason I can type this right now is because E and R are both asleep, and I've been granted the grace to let the laundry and dishes go for a few minutes.
Imagine, if I am so undone with a defiant 2 year old, how amazing must His grace be that HE continues to grant to me--an intensely selfish and defiant (nearly) 30 year old. He continues to love and adore me, regardless of my REPEATED disobedience. It's a painful lesson, but I promise it's one of the best paths He has taken me on thus far.
Oh Lord, how humbling to look to you as my Father, and try to model Your grace and love for my children. It is only through and because of You, if they see any glimpse of that in our home. Please continue to have mercy on me. And despite the hard times, I praise You for the blessings You have given us. May I focus on the Eternal and let go of the mundane and unimportant. May I lead and direct these lives in Your path, for the time I am responsible for them. And may they continue on in those ways after they leave me.
